MUSIC REVIEWS
Dystopia – Human=Garbage (Life is Abuse Records)
by Paul Klieber
Posted on: July 8th, 2008
This album is so fucking sweet, it makes me want to take a bunch of cordless circular saws and cut open my chest and see how much of my innards I could pull out before I pass out or die. It opens up with up with a spoken word track of a guy freaking out because of living in a capitalist society. He doesn’t even like money! I don’t even like money either! Love/Hate has a bunch of samples of serial killers talking about killing their victims. I’ve masturbated to this track before and timed it so I cum EXACTLY when it reaches the climax when the sample of the serial killer says he FELT SO FUCKING ALIIIIVEEEEEEEE. I’ve used the final track many a times to take short naps, because it is called sleep, and in that track the instructors instruct the listeners to go to sleep, and its silence for about 25 minutes, and then the secret track kicks in, waking you up! What could possibly be a better way to take a 25 minute nap!?!?
Hostage Calm Demo 7” (Headcount Records)
by Darrin Keller
Posted on: July 7th, 2008
Ever get the feeling before you even put on a record of a band you’ve never heard you’re in for something good? That’s exactly how I felt with first opening riffs of one face. Hostage Calm is melodic hardcore band straight out of CT (THE CUT), and seriously it rips. I love H2O, Pennywise influenced stuff so that’s why this record makes me singalong and stage dive my bed because shit like this is so catchy. My personal favorite is Weighed down. I feel like this track has a hint of my favorite dc band ever battery. They pull it off so well, with guest vocals from Dave Byrd! (or a guy who sounds like Dave Byrd). If you don’t know who Dave Byrd is, fuck you. Buy this record while it lasts! If you happen to miss picking up this record, buy the cd LENS, it has the demo on it! Fuck! It’s like 2 for 1 lap dance deals at some sketchy titty bar in Kentucky, you get what you paid for whether it’s from a fat chick or not!
Down to Nothing Hem hem 7” (Six Feet Under Records)
by Darrin Keller
Posted on: July 7th, 2008
WARNING: Good luck finding this record, pretty sure it’s gone now. I think only 200 were pressed and they sold out like heroin at a Head Automatica dance party.
DTN rules, we all already know that. But what most of you might not know is that they’re huge jokesters. So this record made sense. But honestly, how could you not laugh at this record? You fucking suck if you don’t get this is a joke record, fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Lick my butt. The record ranges from a NOFX type song which actually sounds really good, to metalcore with serious breakdowns, pop punk which rules, to a bunch of jokes intros and other shit. Pick up this record if you can, listen to as much as possible and then play it for your kids so they become awesome too. But you’ll buy it and turn around and sell it on ebay like the dick nugget you are.
